what shoulda happened
by JAGfreak
Summary: An alternate ending to "Lifeline"--please review!


TITLE: "What shoulda happened..."

AUTHOR: JAGfreak

RATING: PG

CLASSIFICATION: Harm/Mac shipper

DISCLAIMER: I own JAG and its characters only in my dreams, but for DPB,CBS, 

Paramount, and Belisarius Productions...it is a reality.

SUMMARY: An alternate ending to "Lifeline" ( fic of what could've and 

should've been.) Oh yeah,....Review, Review, Review! Thanks : )

SPECIAL THANKS TO: *~My beta reader, LT. Emily, I couldn't have done it without 

you! LYLAS!~*

(Mac's Pov)

ADMIRAL'S PORCH

I look up into his eyes and I still can't believe what just happened. He returns my stare 

with the same intense look I know I must be giving him. I'm inches away from his lips, 

and I already miss them. I don't know what's gotten into me. For heaven's sake, my 

fiancee is 50 feet away in the Admiral's house celebrating our engagement, and I'm out 

here kissing Harm!?! Oh, but how can something so wrong....feel so right??? I soon 

realize I don't know the answer. He's still looking at me and I feel the need to say 

something.....anything to break the silence that has enveloped us. So, I do.

"We're getting too good at saying goodbye."

I try not to start crying as I say this......I wonder if this is really goodbye................

(Harm's POV)

ADMIRAL'S

EXACT SAME TIME

I am staring at her now. I can't think of anything to say.....I wish I knew what she was 

thinking. When she kissed me, I realized I had really and truly lost her. Electricity had 

gone through me the minute our lips touched, but the kiss was over all too soon. I 

couldn't let her go, I love her more than life itself. I followed her lips and met them again

in the most passionate of kisses I've ever shared with anyone. She pulled away and I'm

wondering if maybe I've gone too far. I stare at her intenesely, trying to read her thoughts

through her eyes. My eyes bore into her, daring her to say she doesn't feel what I'm 

feeling between us. And then she says:

"We're getting too good at saying goodbye."

Immediately, my heart plummets as if in a tomcat with a faulty engine. And I reply with:

"Is that what this is, Sarah?"

I inwardly pray that it's not.

(Mac's POV)

same time, same place

I close my eyes and the tears start to fall, he brushes his thumb across my cheeks as 

always. I grab hold of his hand and bring it to my lips. I kiss his palm, then hold it to my

cheek. I will myself to look at him sadly before releasing his hand and heading for the 

door.

(Harm's POV)

She's crying and I brush away her tears. (God, I've caused her so much pain lately.) 

Before I know what's happening, she's kissing my hand and then holding my palm to her 

cheek. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and hold her. She's pulling away 

now, she's heading for the door. Don't let her go! my thoughts are screaming at me. 

Without much thought I grab onto her arm and turn her around to face me. I can't think 

any words that are an adequate enough description of what I'm feeling. I somehow get out 

these words:

"Tell me you didn't feel something when we kissed, and I'll leave you alone Mac."

I winced at my own words, afraid of what her answer may be.

(Mac's POV)

As I'm walking to the door, Harm grabs my arm and pulls me around to look at him. I 

hear him say those words, and I can't give him an honest reply. When I had kissed Harm,

It was meant to be a goodbye. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that I would feel 

nothing when we kissed. I wanted to prove to myself that it would've never worked 

between us, that the magic wasn't there, that our relationship was nothing more than a 

friend to friend basis.

When he kissed me, it proved exactly the opposite. I was still in love with Harm.....so

much in love that it scared me. I had tried so hard to stop loving him.....ever since the 

night on the ferry. I thought I had possibly stopped loving him so much, but I had been

fooling myself. I have always, and will always love him. But, I was marrying Mic.....

Harm couldn't commit to me. I look at him and I swallow........he looks so sad. Then I 

say:

" I can tell you I didn't WANT to feel anything."

(Harm's POV)

I hear her say that and I inwardly sigh with relief, she still cared for me. She had felt it 

too!!! I didn't know what to do just then. I said this:

"Why, Mac?"

(Mac's POV)

I clear my throat and know I must tell him.

"Because, I thought maybe if I felt nothing....I wouldn't love you so much, wouldn't want

you so much."

I make eye contact with him and my heart is breaking. why do we make things so dang 

complicated?

.

(Harm's POV)

There's no need for words anymore. I want her so badly....I can't think straight. I put my 

arms around her, and pulled her against my chest. She had her hands on each side of my 

neck, and her face buried in my shoulder. To my horror, she began to sob in my arms. 

I wanted to kill myself for putting her in this much pain. When she stops sobbing, I gently 

pull her away from me to see her tear-stained cheeks. I cup them with my hands and force

her to look at me.

" I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain, Sarah....I love you and it kills me to see you 

like this......please don't cry."

(Mac's POV) 

He pulls me close and I can't hide my feelings any longer. I loved him so much,

but yet I had to settle for someone else. I was ashamed as I sobbed in his arms, and when I 

was finished he pulled me away and said the words I'd been longing to hear for so long.

HE LOVED ME......at that moment, I didn't care about anything else. I rested my hands 

on his that were placed on my cheeks and slowly pulled them around my waist . I then 

took his face in my hands and brought it down to my lips. All my love for him was 

proven in that kiss. 

(Harm's POV) 

She is putting her hands on mine and putting them around her waist. She now has my face

in her hands and is pulling me down to her. Our lips connect, and she's kissing me in a 

way I've never been kissed before. I pull her closer to me, and closer still. Then I realize

where we are, the Admiral's porch. I force myself away from her assaulting lips, grab her

hand, and run with her to my car. It was definitely time to leave the party behind.

(Mac's POV) 

He's pulling me closer.....and now he's pushing me away. (Can he STILL not let go?) My 

heart braces itself for heartache. But, Harm, instead, grabs my hand and takes off running

to his car. I don't know where I'm going, but as long as it's with Harm....I don't really 

care. 

THE END...please, please,please REVIEW! thanks! : ) 


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